I have a friend who had to go to the doctor a few weeks ago. This was because out of nowhere he began to have bad pains and was none stop vomiting. Also felt really weak so I scheduled an appointment with a physician to check him out.
Transcript is as follows:
**Dr: So how we doing today Mr. Struly?? (followed by firm hand-shake).
**Lawrence: I just haven’t had any energy as of late. Been vomiting and feel extremely weak, I’m a bit nervous because I feel that I’m an overall healthy man.
**Dr: Ok, well we pulled your blood, urine and also saliva… (stops talking mid sentence, & now has a shocking look on his face).
**Lawrence: Is everything ok sir???
**Dr: Mr. Struly, lemme ask you a question, how would you explain your sex life???
**Lawrence: I’m sorry I’m a bit confused as to where we’re going with this, do I have an STD????
**Dr: You don’t have an STD, but you do have toxins in your body that have been transmitted through sex. So again Mr. Struly, I ask how is your sex life???
**Lawrence: I mean I think it’s average, about 3-4 days a week. I don’t have multiple partners though. Does my girlfriend have something that I don’t know about???
**Dr: Mr. Struly… I feel compelled to tell you that I served in the Navy, for 13 years. Then I got out and became a physician, now being that you were prior military, I feel I can speak to you this way.
**Lawrence: I’m sorry sir, I’m confused can you just tell me what the deal is please. I’m internally freaking out here…
**Dr: (Rolls eyes and mummers… fucking Marines) Ok Mr. Struly, when we partake in oral, sometimes we forget that there are toxins that have to exit our bodies. Some of these very toxins are microscopic and we’re not to ingest these things as they can do damage to our bodies because they carry bacteria.
**Lawrence: Ok, so you’re saying I don’t have an STD but I have some form of bacteria from oral??
**Dr: Jesus fuck son!!!!
I’m trying to explain this shit but you’re not getting it… Alright how bout this STOP EATING YOUR GIRLFRIENDS ASSHOLE!!! that’s why you got sick. There is microscopic bacteria, that lies there even after washing ourselves.
**Lawrence: So what do I do about this sir???
**Dr: Refrain from eating asshole Mr. Struly, and gargle a few times a day with listerine. You’ll be back to normal in a few days Marine.
**Lawrence: Thank you sir, (gives Lawrence a firm handshake & walks out w/ a smile)
So I’m sitting next to Lawrence thinking to myself would I have taken the ass chewing as well as he did simply because the physician announced he was prior military???
Would I have acted different if a normal civilian spoke to me like this??
I can’t really say to be honest, the only thing I could do was ask Lawrence how he was feeling. He replies by stating the only thing he kept thinking to himself was “damn babe has bacteria… but how, her pussy and ass taste like strawberry gum drops”
How is this so…